True Life: I was stoned on easter

So I've been on hiatus for a couple of weeks...big deal, its the internet, your allowed. I would like to take the time out to preach a sermon from the Church of the Sacred Mattress on Easter. Now I planned on going to church today, but it just didn't work out so I've decided that I'm taking the time to reminisce on Easter's past. As a child, the biggest thing about Easter was the Easter dress and the Easter suits. It seemed as though the department stores catered to black people during the month of March, specializing in poofy flowered bright ass dresses and tacky lime green, lilac purple, baby pink, and sky blue pin-stripped suits that your grandma would say you looked "sharp" in. (note: if your grandma tells you, you look "sharp" run for the hills). The Easter dress seemed like a huge deal to like the entire black community, and it was of course accompanied with white patent leather shoes, an Easter church hat, as well as a white purse. The boys had it the worst, those damn suits always had matching shoes to go with the suits and if you were really lucky and had a really generous fam you had a hat to match and maybe your fathers old gold chain to go OVER TOP of the button up shirt and tie.

For the record I hated those dresses because they were itchy and I hated those patent leather shoes because they didn't have heels on them. I've thought about wearing all black to Easter sunday a few times, but I think the church people would stone me, and my mom probably wouldn't let me eat dinner. (sad face). Thinking back I never got an Easter basket or took a picture with the Easter bunny, which is kinda sad, I think I will deprive my kids in the same way though-but they wont be able to escape the wrath of the Easter dress! muahahaha!! With that said, make sure you look your flyest on Easter for God because he died for YOU and heaven only takes the "flyest" these days cuz they're reaching capacity, no room for sragglies! (that's a joke)

Happy Easter,

kimmie e

so i did wear black...taken after the stoning..

taken during the stoning...